So Much Happened in October...

 Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile. ~ William Cullen Bryant

I had a chance to slip away to the NC mountains

 and be an only child for two solid days...

The view from my parents' back deck... not a bad spot to sip coffee

 We drove all of the winding roads that usually make my kids carsick, hiked my favorite places, and soaked in the fall beauty.

 One of my most favorite places on earth is Grayson Highlands, Va. We didn't start the day with a plan, but somehow we ended up there. Know why I love it?

Wild ponies.

We had searched for them our entire hike, and almost given up. Then we rounded a curve on the way back to the car, and there stood a momma and her colt wrapped in their winter coats. I couldn't stop smiling.

I think God likes surprises...

 I've shared how God provided mulch and gravel for the farm here. And I've shared how a pavilion was built like stone soup here. This past month, I know He was smiling down from heaven when His people got together and surprised us with a tractor. They were anonymous givers, but we are so incredibly grateful. My Farmer was grinning for days.

 We are trying to decide what color she should be. Also, I think she needs a name... Thoughts?

October brings the North Carolina State Fair.

 Some years we skip the fair,  but this year my Farmer said, "Let's go together."  I love that he is still full of surprises.

 We happened to choose the least crowded night, which was perfect.

My volleyball girl (#28) finished the season strong. After three days at the state finals, we came home second in the state of NC. I'm so proud of her determination. It was a season of learning and character building. Middle school girls teach life lessons. I'm proud of the way she handled it all.  Her character shines and she truly loves Jesus.

October was FULL. It was fun. But my favorite month of the year has begun: NOVEMBER

November is so much quieter. It is my month of reflection and thankfulness...
and sweater weather!

Fill Your Cup

Hello Fellow Mom. 

You who does the laundry only to find a pile of dirty clothes hidden under the bed. 

The one who hides in the bathroom, seeking a little solitude as fingers slip under the doorframe and children call your name. 

You who have played referee for the hundredth time between your offspring who claim rights over an object that will be forgotten tomorrow. 

To the mom who wonders why some days feel like years, especially when there is potty training involved.

The woman who searches for the dinner recipe that will cause all of your children to call you blessed. Or at least eat it without complaining.

To the mom who has felt she has lost her identity to the name of taxi driver or teen atm. 

For those who are struggling to hang on to the days because the years have become short. 

I have been there. Don't get me wrong, I am completely devoted to motherhood. It has been my calling since I was a little girl. I've made it my profession for most of my adult life. I adore my kids. I love being a mom. I soak it up and savor the moments.

But...

When my mojo reserves have been syphoned and there isn't much left to give, I become weary. My guard is lowered and my heart attitude is vulnerable. Even those things which typically bring joy can become annoyances. They want to eat dinner... again. Bedtime becomes a formula rather than a joy. The car ride becomes too loud. The sibling rivalry sounds like war. The laundry becomes a mountain that no human should be expected to climb without an oxygen tank. The Legos get stepped on and vicious words choke my throat. 

When I am drained dry, the joy is shrouded. 

Are you taking care of yourself so that you have the mental, physical, and spiritual energy to pour back into your kids? Sure, a day at the spa would be great. Ok, heavenly. But most of us can't afford that luxury (cost or time). So what can you do to refill your cup? Some of us need an hour of quiet. Others need an hour with a friend (sans kids, of course). Most of us need to increase our prayer life. 

I think this was a subtle hint that I need to "pray on." Ha! Just popped up on my screen like this.

Even when you can't get away, search for serenity in the day surrounding you. I discovered this scene on my way home from taking my daughter to school one morning. I had been struggling with feeling out of control and holding on too tightly. When I saw this dew-kissed meadow it was as if the Lord said, "I hold this day in the palm of my hand. It is not your burden to bear." 

Ask for help. Your fellow mommies understand the need to recharge. Swap mornings with a friend. Don't use that morning to go grocery shopping or to get the car fixed. Talk to your husband and figure out an evening you can have to yourself... guilt free. When my kids were little, we had a standing rule. When I got a night out, I didn't want to hear about anything that went badly at home (unless health was involved) while I was gone. It helped me truly be free and not feel guilty. 

Do something you wouldn't normally do with the kids around. Make an appointment with yourself (it's cheaper than counseling later).  Get coffee and settle in with a magazine. Treat yourself to a new journal, if that's your thing. It's totally my thing...

 Linger. Go to a store you wouldn't normally venture to with children in tow. Last week I had a 30 minute window so I stopped in the local spice store and enjoyed every minute.

Be inspired. The spice store had the cutest pumpkins out front. If I had had my kids along, I probably wouldn't have noticed. Take the time to notice non-mommy things.  It's okay. 

Everyone's cup is filled up differently.  I'm not an artist, but there is something soothing about picking up a paintbrush. Would I have found the time to do this when my kids were toddlers? No. But every season has its new struggles and blessings.

 Look for fun. Laughter is healthy. Looking for the joy in the mundane is worth the effort. My car has been in the shop this week.  My sweet dad let me drive his sportymobile (okay, it's a revved up sedan, but when you drive a family SUV, anything feels like a sports car). It's amazing how much joy a sunroof has brought me this week.  Oh, and XM radio.

Take a break. Even Wonder Woman has to get her invisible jet refueled once in awhile. You are worth it. Your kids are worth it. This sacred thing called motherhood requires mind, body, and soul. With your cup filled up, you will be ready to pour back into your little gems.

When Life Gets Crazy... Savor It

Over the last week we've had over 300 guests at the farm. It really seems insane, but we love it.
I LOVE having people here.
We hosted our student ministry family kick-off. Have I mentioned how much fun those teens are?

Families building a sense of community in a large church is so important

Human foosball was a big hit

Ultimate frisbee and flag football for the big kids.

Volleyball, bouncy houses, and food for everyone

We are finally figuring out the large-crowd thing and it actually runs pretty smoothly. We've learned that baked potatoes on the grill feed a hungry crowd. My farmer is a grill master.  Seriously, he cooked enough chicken and hotdogs to feed 200+ last Saturday like a champ.
We are also big fans of the good old fashioned covered-dish. But we've learned the hard way that people really do need to sign up for specific dishes. We've had a party with one side dish and 7 different salsa/bean dips and another party with meat and dessert.  I love dessert, but it doesn't fill up the kids like mac-n-cheese or green beans.
Do you know about Sign-Up Genius? It is the best kept secret for party/sports/covered dish functions.

Aside from hosting large group gatherings, late August and most of September sweep me away.  Not to a tropical location, but into my car, who we affectionately call Ruby. I can easily put 100 miles on my car just traveling to practices and school within 3 days.
The start of school for our oldest has been good. She loves her teachers and feels right at home. So thankful.

Volleyball season has started for our younger daughter and that means practice or games 4 days a week. It is a crazy couple of months, but it sure is fun. I love the girls on her team and the healthy friendships being established.

I can't maintain this pace, but when I know this is only a season, I press on and truly try to savor it.  My sweet mom said the other day, "I know you are overwhelmed and life feels crazy, but enjoy it.  It really is one of the most fun seasons of life. The quiet season will come and you will look back and realize how great it really was." Such sage advice. I realized I don't want to savor it when it is over. I want to savor it now. Some days I long for solitude and quiet ... and not being in the car. But I need to live life now. I want to eat up every moment God has given me with my kids. I want to enjoy it to the fullest.

10 Tips for Deep Cleaning the House with Older Kids

I don't know too many people who squeal with delight over the idea of deep cleaning the house; but the idea of having the whole house cleaned without having to fork over a pot of gold definitely makes me smile.

These suggestions are for families with older children, age 9 and up.  But if you have younger kids, I'd still try it. Who knows, you may have a cleaning prodigy on your hands!

1. Plan ahead.  The most important part of the plan is to tell them in advance.  My kids like fun surprises.  "Let's clean the house" is not a fun surprise on a sunny Monday morning.  I let my kids know in advance that we would be setting aside a whole day to clean.  I wasn't sure if it would take the whole day, but it was self-preservation just in case it took longer than expected.  Which it did. 

2. Explain the role of responsibility.  Part of living in this house is taking care of it.  Many modern day kids struggle with entitlement.  We want our kids to understand that living in a home requires responsibility. 

3. Require good attitudes.  While the day won't be fully free of bad attitudes, let the kids know that you expect them to have a positive approach to the day.  

Blast fun music. The bad attitude dude will run and hide.

4. Be the example.  I chose the three nastiest bathrooms.  My kids looked at me with reverence.  It was a holy moment.

5. Be specific. I gave each of my kids a little card with the expectations for each room, lest they forget...

6. Make it as fair as possible.  "Fair" is typically a dirty word in our family.  Fair is a place you buy cotton candy.  I printed out little slips of paper with each of the rooms and we rolled the dice.  The kid with the highest number got to choose one room first.  After everyone chose their first room, we rolled the dice again (hence keeping it as fair as possible.) Everyone chose their second room according to their order from the dice roll.  

7. Check it off.  To give the kids a sense of accomplishment, once a chore on the cleaning checklist was completed, they could check it off.  We used three different colors for each child.  For example, my son used yellow for the mudroom.  As he finished each chore in that room, a yellow check was added to his list.
8. Give some freedom of choice.  My kids each had two rooms plus their own bedrooms to clean.  I let them choose which room to tackle first.  They knew the rooms had to be done and approved by me before the day was over.
9. Follow through.  As the day wears on, they will get a little tired. Give them a fun snack while you go check on their progress.  This is an excellent lesson on meeting goals and finishing a task.  Hold them accountable.  If they overlooked a table that has an inch of dust, gently remind them.  Remember, this is just as much about teaching responsibility as it is about finishing with a clean house.
10. Celebrate! Let the kids savor the clean house for a moment.  Tell them to look around and smell the clean.  Let them feel the sense of accomplishment.  Celebrate with a reward for the whole family. Go get pizza or ice cream, or both.

Bonus Hint: We made it a screen free day.  (Music was allowed.)  No screens = no outside distractions.  It was magical.

I'm linking up with Imparting Grace.  Come join the party!

Parenting Teens ... And Enjoying the Ride

 When our kids were little I was afraid of teenagers.  Most of them were bigger than me, and I thought they were just a bunch o' hoodlums with bad attitudes and filled with sarcasm.   I never imagined having teens would be this much fun...

As kids hit the teen years, it is natural for them to begin to pull away, but they still need to know that they are an important part of our family makeup.  They don't need us to hold their hands to cross the road, but they do need us to hold their hearts when the world begins to crowd in.  Parenting doesn't end when they turn 13.  It just looks different.

A couple of years ago, we made a conscious decision to be actively involved in our kids' teen years.  It is no easy task, but so worth the time and effort.  

Here's how it looks for us:

1. We want to know our kids' friends.  This is not the time to check out.  Friends are the greatest influence at this stage, so we want to encourage healthy friendships.  If their friends know us, it adds another layer of accountability.  

2. We try to teach our kids how to have healthy friendships with both sexes.  In the next phase of life, many of these kids will be finding their future mate.  Now is the time to help them develop friendship skills that will extend into adulthood and, hopefully, encourage strong marriages.  

3. We try to open our home as much as possible to these crazy kids.  Sometimes a quiet corner with a good book beckons... but I'll have the rest of my life to sit in a quiet corner. In this season of life, we are choosing to be "yes" parents.  There are a multitude of things we have to say "no" to, so it is important to look for the "yes" opportunities.  If the kids want to come, we make every effort to say yes. 

*Disclaimer: I fully believe in boundaries and having a day of rest.    

4. We are involved in the youth ministry at church.  As I type, my husband is on a youth trip with the middle school. Bless his heart.  I just got back from a 12 hour bus ride from high school camp. Sleep is overrated.  Our roles in the youth ministry ebb and flow, but we want these kids to know that we are connected and that we care.

5. We choose to invest in these kids.  Even good kids have baggage, tough home situations, and the need for healthy adult influence.  They may act like they know everything about everything, but they are still learning how to process the world.  We want our home to be a safe place for our kids' friends.  They need to know we are FOR them.

6. We fully believe in the power of fun.  It is our desire to demonstrate that good, clean fun is better than what the world has to offer.  

Good, not-so-clean, clean fun

Put into Action

When our kids say, "let's have a party," we try to come up with something that makes the guests want to come back.  Sometimes it is just pizza and a bonfire.

  

Other times we pull out the stops and get a little crazy.

Water balloons and summer just go hand in hand.

Shaving cream fights are the best!

Food is always a must.  If you can't afford to supply it every time, ask the kids to bring their favorite snack.  Host a Mexican fiesta and ask the kids to bring a taco topping.

One of our favorite games is Snowball Mountain.

The kids don a disposable shower cap (Dollar Tree).  Split the group into pairs. One team member gets a smothered dollop of CoolWhip on his head.  The other team member has to toss mini marshmallows onto the "snow mountain."  Once they have 10 marshmallows attached,  they must run over and eat the marshmallows off of the snowy mountain.  

Let them play.

 Life gets serious fast.  We want our kids to enjoy this last season of freedom.  Sometimes the kids just want to play in the pond.  Other times they want to play Ultimate Frisbee.  Their favorite group game is Manhunt. Basically hide-n-seek in the dark.  The basketball goal rarely gets ignored.  

It doesn't have to be a big production.  Just let them play.  Our job is to provide hydration, safety, and to encourage them to include everyone.  Sometimes we have to suggest games to get the ball rolling, but usually they figure it out on their own.

I never thought I'd say it, but I really do love having teens over to our house.  They make me laugh, give me a fresh perspective on life, and remind me that every season of parenting can be a blast.  Besides, they don't judge my dirty toilet and remind me that clean floors are  totally overrated.

I'm linking up with Imparting Grace. Come join the party!